I'm so incredibly angry - not a lucid post

Scott came home last night and said, "So Mark McGwire used steroids..."

If you know me, you know I am an avid St. Louis Cardinals fan and lived in the beloved city during the Mark McGwire era. I own the Wheaties box, I have the yellow hard hat from the McDonald's-sponsored section in the upper level of the original Busch Stadium, I have a framed charcoal sketch of MM pounding the ball. I love that time of my life. I love Cardinal baseball. Scott gave me an authentic Cardinal jersey with MY name on the back. I stayed all night in the frigid cold during the '96 season opener until Willie McGee finally hit that winning home run. I am a Cardinal.

And I knew, we all knew, that when the steroid use was revealed in professional sports, that Mark McGwire was a partaker. But he said he didn't and I wanted to believe him. I didn't, but I wanted to. I put all my memorabilia in a closet and I was sad.

So he comes out of retirement to coaching hitting. Nice job. Who was the piece of trash that thought spilling his guts yesterday would matter? It just makes me mad. I think it makes us all mad.

This writer in particular did a really nice job of expressing the anger.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ti-mcgwirenew011110&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

Kudos to Tim Brown. When Scott made his (hurtful) comment, it wasn't news to me. I get ESPN updates on my phone the second they happen. I got 2 about MM. I told Scott, "I'm so mad! I don't even know why, but I am so mad." Tim Brown put sanity to my anger. The apology doesn't matter. It might have mattered years ago before younger, idiotic sports players followed his stupid example.

I don't think it would have ever mattered to me. It's not like the only thing I did for four years was follow Mark McGwire. I had a life. I served in the St. Louis Temple, I taught RS, I had an incredible job that allowed me to travel the world. BUT the great times I had in Busch Stadium (the first time was almost a religious experience) are a huge part of my memory, my life. That any of that time was spent following the accomplishments of a fraud makes me feel regret. I haven't watched much baseball since then and don't give credibility to anyone physically doing phenomenal things. (I hate Lance Armstrong.)

I look back on that day I was having lunch in the diner in Clayton, MO when Mark McGwire came in and I just want to throw up. I'm mad. I'm so very mad.