Journal Entry

Blogging is interesting for me. I write like no one will read, and luckily for me, not many people do. This one is a true journal entry. I'm sure I won't remember the details of a recent trial, but that is OK. What I want to remember is what I learned.
There is a vast difference between a reason to fast and a need to fast. Having a reason to fast on Fast Sunday is well and good, but needing to fast because you have nowhere else to turn and prayer alone is not enough, that is something extraordinary.
I woke yesterday feeling the need to fast. It was a quiet thought and I went with it. I was at the end of a very frayed rope and things were spiralling out of control. Making breakfast was not a chore and neither was lunch. I pondered my problem the entire morning and things came to a head about noon. From then on I could not concentrate on the very important task in front of me so I chose to get my thoughts down on paper. (Yah, right. I put them in the body of an email. Paper? What's that?)
There was no one available to help me sort through my "email" who even knew what was going on, so I called my mom. She wasn't home, lucky lady. So I called my sister. She was kind enough to listen to a brief summary and then my "email." Just as I was completing my compelling story the phone line beeped. I LOVE CALLER ID. The call was coming from the right area code and the answer to my problem was on the other end. I had known what the answer was from the very beginning, but it wasn't my place to supply the answer. It had to come from the source. The source finally made the call.
Heavenly Father knows just exactly how much I can take. That phone call brought me complete peace. It didn't take away the issue, but it put all the pieces in place. Later another phone call brought all the drama, tears and screaming, but I had all the pieces. I was secure.
Lots of thoughts come to mind about the way people operate. The deceit, the manipulation, the denial, the integrity, the honesty, the calmness. I rather love the latter of those traits. I abhor stress and all it's sources. It's funny, this problem has been around for maybe a week or 10 days. It feels like 6 years. I feel old and tired.
I also feel rejuvenated in my testimony of a very real God in Heaven. Spiritually, I feel renewed. This mortality is tiresome. Mortals, we are a tiresome lot. It is hard to deal with other people, hard to make wise judgements. Through each situation we have to make wise judgements in order to decide our next move. The only way to do that is with the guidance of the Holy Ghost. I do not know how it is possible to successfully maneuver this life without his help. I read a scripture recently (Alma 32:23) that speaks of men and women - and not only men and woman, but also little children have words given unto them by the Spirit. This was incredibly comforting to me and as I read it to my children, incredibly empowering. I want them to know the Spirit, recognize the Spirit, and rely on the Spirit. I learned so much yesterday about the law of the fast and trusting the Father who communicates with me through the Holy Ghost. It's a hard thing, that learning stuff.

Winter Worry

Tomorrow, May 8th, is the date on the back of the seed packet on which I should plant my beans. It's raining and cold here, snowing in Minnesota. I wonder just how deep I have to plant those little boogers to keep them living in the tundra up here. And, not that we don't need rain. We do. But we could use a little warmth too.

Our tomatoes are looking gorgeous in the living room, but they need to be outside soon. Getting a little tall to be indoors. I didn't plant too many seedlings this year. I did the obligatory 72 tomato plants, but no onions, carrots, or radishes. The girls went to the garden on Tuesday and pulled up enough carrots for dinner - the ones that didn't grow last summer. They only needed the entire winter to get big enough to eat. The radishes were a total loss and I figure onions are pretty cheap at Sam's Club so we're good there. I want to grow them, but I don't want to waste my effort. And really, I'm not a great gardener. I wonder if we had to survive on my gardening skills just what would come of us? We'd be skinny. Very, very skinny.

Interview - When All Hell Breaks Loose

This guy, Cody Lundin, is colorful to say the least. He is also incredibly savvy about taking care of yourself and your family in a disaster. These are essential skills that we need to acquire and teach people around us. Our ward has a Preparedness Fair on May 22nd and I wish that everyone could catch the vision of simply being prepared. We live in an area of the US where so many people are living their disaster and they were not prepared at all. 20% unemployment is the norm up here and that is one of the things we need to be ready for (excuse the dangling preposition). Cody Lundin talks more about natural disasters and no one is immune from those either. So, prepare yourself for some blunt language (he talks a lot about "poop") and enjoy the video.

24 is a finite number

And so it ends. I hate admitting it, but this season isn't as good as the last and that's been the trend for a few seasons. Scott and I sit on the couch predicting every move (although Dana the terrorist was weird...). When we can write as well as people paid to write, there's something missing. Still, without a doubt, 24 has been the best show on television for a decade. It has been a great ride and kudos to Sutherland (thanks for staying out of jail this year!) and the rest of the crew who've made it so much fun to fight the bad guys. We had a great time.

Service with a round, yellow smiley face

Late this morning I heard horrendous screams and virtually everyone in the house ran into my room. (I say virtually because Andrew ignores a lot that goes on in this house...)

Caroline screamed, "Katie's glasses are broken!"

Oh, no. I really was so sad. The girls take such good care of their glasses and, with all the screaming, it's nice that Katie's arm wasn't hanging from it's socket or something else actually worth screaming about.

What happened? Caroline had gone into the powder room to take care of business and... "They all came in there wrestling me!"

So, how did her glasses get broken? "Well I just touched them with my arm."

Oh. So, they all (Katie and the aforementioned missing Andrew) followed you into the bathroom and you began swinging and hit Katie in the face, breaking her glasses? Yes. OK.

I panicked because I didn't know if they were insured, I didn't have time to go to the doctor's office, I didn't have the paperwork handy, so many things. I panicked inside me and told Katie I'd get them fixed. (There's no fixing these things...they are busted good. Caroline. What an arm.) I'm actually late leaving for a hair appointment (yes, it's already Spring again. Every year whether I need it or not.), but I ran back in and grabbed the Medical 2009 file from the file cabinet. Digging through it as I drive down the driveway, I remember that we got her glasses at Wal-Mart. I recall that in November and every day I needed the spectacle buying experience to be convenient and occur after 5PM, so we went to Wal-Mart for her specs.

And at Wal-Mart, they guarantee kids glasses 100% for one year.

Still nervous when I arrived at the store, I told the clerk I didn't have the receipt, just the brochure promoting their policies. She looked up Katie's name in the computer and said, "Let me see if we have this frame." She pulled the exact frame from it's spot on the wall and said, "I'll just be a few minutes."

Three minutes later she returned and said, "If she needs them adjusted just bring her in anytime. I tried to duplicate the fitting from the broken frame. Bye now."

Tears welled up in my eyes, I swear. I have never been so grateful for just simple customer service. Our insurance company gives us total grief for not using their providers, but their providers could NEVER provide the service that Wal-Mart did for me today. I am so thankful for that place. God bless Sam Walton! (Scott always says that Sam is rolling over in his grave for the way that place is run now, but today Sam is proud of his optical shop in Michigan.)

Rewind

The Primary will sing for the Easter presentation in Sacrament Mtg this week. Our girls are passionate about their rehearsals.

Katie: "Mom, can you print out the music for all of us from the Church website?"

Of course I can. And do. Promptly after her 2nd reminder.

The girls all explained to me the arrangement of "If the Savior Stood Beside Me."

Caroline: "Isabelle sings the 2nd verse first and then we all sing the 1st verse..."

Got it.

Alex: "We repeat watching over me three time, not two like is in the other arrangement. 3 times."

Got it.

Katie: "Mom, will you play it on the piano so we can sing?"

Hmmm. Yes, only don't expect to recognize the notes when I play. They might be a different "arrangement." The girls have been very understanding.

When we are in the car, they want the CD of their music playing and when their song ends (it's #2 and they know it) Caroline always says, "Will you back-forward it so we can sing it again?"

Indeed I will back-forward it. I should have thought of that myself.

At the garage door...

there is a "knock, knock, knock."

I open the door.

3 year old Andrew stands there.

I say, "Hello, how are you?"

He says, "Well, I was in the neighborhood and I just brought you some ham," with his empty hands cupped and raised to me.

"Oh, thank you!" I replied. "I love ham."

"OK, bye," he says as he walks down the wooden steps.

"I love you," I call after him.

"I love you," he says, head bowed and in his most responsible, deep, adult voice.